So I wrote a post a week ago about My Favourite Things. My brother loved it, so he convinced me to record it and film it. He played the keyboards and I wrote the lyrics. Hope you enjoy!

Today at work, I was looking for a cache of an old site, Google gave me some surprising suggestions:

Erin Andrews? I wondered who that was. After hours of long and hard, intensive research, I found out. After I rested, I reflected upon this experience, it hit me like a ton of bricks: did Google manage to teach me something? I decided that since I’m no longer in school, there has to be a way for me to learn new things, so why not let Google Auto-complete teach me?!  Follow me into a this journey of discovery and see what new trinkets of wisdom we can uncover from Google!

155,600,000 results say people is good for me, so its settled: pizza is awesome!

Oh no! Apple is an evil evil company, in fact, they are the devil! No wonder they are the new Microsoft!

Lets see what Google has to say about girlfriends.

Girlfriends are annoying? Overrated? Like Bras? This one is just confusing. Maybe Google will tell me something better about boyfriends.

Hrm, I’m beginning to not like this. Boyfriends are not recyclable, nor are they like purses, nor are we mean!

Now I have become more confused. Megan fox is a hot man? So weird. This makes me wonder about what Google thinks about certain races.

Wow, lots of bad things about Chinese people. I wonder if Vietnamese people fare any better.

I see. Lets move onto non-people-related things. Something useful, like finance!

I get some obvious results, like “Finance is not fashion”, which surprisingly got 156,000,000 results. Do that many people confuse finance and fashion? I most admit though, I am curious to see how finance is a conspiracy against the laity.

I wonder what Google has to teach me about Beer.

Wow. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. That is beautiful. Wow, just wow. I’m flabbergasted! I never expected such beautiful truths to come out of you, Google. To many people, you are just a search engine, just an algorithm running on some turing-complete machine, endlessly searching for answers. But to me, Google is a friend, an ally, my mentor. Who else could teach me such beautiful truths? I no longer need a reason to drink. Thank you Google!

A group of ten evil henchmen enter a bank. The evil leader rises up his gun, shoots a round of shots and yells, “Everyone on the ground! This is a robbery!” Frightened, the bank tellers and clients fall to the ground, quivering in fear, not knowing if they will make it out alive.

One by one, the evil henchmen enter the vault and extract their bounty. Hope appears to be lost, when suddenly, out of the blue, the hero flamboyantly falls through the glass ceiling, proclaiming to the world, “Never fear! Your hero is here!”

The evil leader, not wanting to lose his hard-earned treasure, orders the henchmen, “Get him boys!” The henchmen swarm around the hero, ready to beat him to a pulp. They attack him one by one, buts its no use. The evil leader squirms in anguish as the hero tosses the evil henchmen off to the side.

They’re now unconcious. The evil leader, in an act of desperation shoots the leader with his evil ray of doom. “Silly evil leader”, exclaims the hero, as the evil rays of doom bounch harmlessly off his rock-hard chest of goodness and saves the day.

So, what went wrong for the evil leader? The evil henchmen of course! Seriously. They’re being taught the WRONG things at the evil henchment academy!

Seriously,  it happens all the time, in kung-fu movies, super hero movies, power ranger movies, etc…  What is this problem? The henchmen are using a PRIORITY ATTACK QUEUE!

What is a priority attack queue? Basically, the henchmen all want to attack the hero. They wanna attack him badly, but they can’t decide who will go first. So, they assign themselves a priority. Sometimes its the strongest first, sometimes its the weakest first. Whatever. It doesn’t matter, because they always end up fighting the hero one-on-on.

Let us assume that we have a set of ten henchmen, each one will have an x amount of attack they can administer to the hero. The problem is, the hero will usually have a power level greater then or equal to the strongest henchmen. So with that assumption, the hero will be able to easily dispense any of them.

So what algorithm should the evil henchnen be taught at the Evil Henchmen Academy? Please. Its so obvious. They should be implementing an EVIL DIVIDE AND CONQUER algorithm!

The idea behind an evil divide and conquer algorithm, or any sort of algorithm like this, is to divide the problem into little parts, and solve those parts seperatly. After those little parts are solved, they are combined together into the final solution.

So if a henchmen were to encounter a hero, they would divide the hero into the following pieces:

1. Right leg
2. Left leg
3. Right arm
4. Left arm
5. Throat
6. Head
7. Chest
8. Testicles (Its an evil algorithm! Don’t attack surprised!)
9. Buttocks
10. Mouth

So if each henchmen were to focus on solely one of these parts, the hero’s attention would be too divided to even begin to fend off the attack. The henchmen would then beat each of these parts into a bloody pulp, then when the parts are combined into one final solution, you get a hero who is now a huge bloody pulp.

I swear. I should turn to a life of evil. Unfortunately, my evil laugh still needs a bit more work to strike fear into the hearts of my opponents. Until next time, same Anton-ian blog, same Anton-ian domain!

For my male readers who read this blog, this should be a familiar sight to you. You’re out in public, and you gotta go really badly. You have no time for the toilet stalls, so you make a beeline for the urinals. You’re a man. You’ve been equipped with a penis, which makes urinals a fairly easy thing to use.

Normally, the rest is easy. Not for me. According to my dear friend wikipedia, the average male height in Canada, is a grand 5′8! Me? I’m a mere 5′5 man. I’m ABOVE average in Vietnam (5′3), which explains why I tower over my family. But the minute I leave the safe confines of the world, I’m a midget.

So what does this have to do with urinals? Well, since the average male height in Canada is 5′8, I believe they place wall-mounted urinals to adhere to those of this height. If you check out this thread on reddit, they are debating what urinal people prefer: Knee-high or Waist-high.

My answer? Neither. Knee-high comes up to my stomach, waist-high means I have to be on my tippy-toes to even begin to urinate decently.  So that’s one reason why I hate urinals.

But you know what? I’m okay with knee-high ones. With waist-high urinals, a problem occurs. Let me show you a picture to illustrate the point:

As you see, I do not pass the minimal clearance. But notice that protrusion that sticks out? Usually “average” men’s heights allow them to rise above that protrusion, and thus move their bodies closer into the urinal; effectively hiding their junk.  I cannot. Do you see my perdicament?!

I am VERY VULNERABLE to peeping eyes! Now, you must be thinking right now. “But Anton, don’t you remember the number one rule? Keep your eyes on the road!” Yes, I know, but let us use some math to show you something.

The average degree of sight, for the eye, is 60 degrees towards the nose, and 100 degrees towards the ear:

So from the edge of the eye, someone may see something. As you can see, from the corner of your eye, something can be seen. Assuming the average man stands 15 cm from the urinal, and I stand 30 cm from the urinal, then what distance do I have to be, for my “junk” to be seen from the corner of someone’s eye? Let me show you with a graph!

To calculate this, we use similar triangles, with angles of 10, 90, and 80. So to calculate the visibility distance (distance away from the urinal), we use the distance from the next urinal (beside you) as the dependent variable. Thus I get the formula:

Opposite = Adjacent x Tan (10)
Visibility Distance = DistanceFromNextUrinal x Tan(10)

Which means if the distance between urinals were only at least 47 cm apart, then someone standing within 30 cm of the urinal would be exposed!

Gladly, most urinals clear this distance, or it would be a tight squeeze. New urinaters, on the other hand, that’s a whole other story! Maybe I’ll just stick to stalls.

I saw this quote, and it struck me as interesting. Would I be rich or poor? So I decided to find out!

First, we assume a few things. First, I’m living in Canada, so the life expectancy will be 80.4 years. However, I don’t even speak until I’m like 1 or 2. So for our second assumption, we assume that “innocence” is lost at the age of 10. That’s 70 years of potential kindness/horribleness!

So how many times does a person speak a day? According to a study, its pegged around 16,000 words a day. According to Oxford, the average sentence length is 15-20 words. Since it takes a sentence to produce something that is meaningfully “unkind” or kind”, we will assume that in a day, the average person can say 800 kinda or unkind things.

So altogether, that’s 70 years, which is 25550 days. 800 sentences a day, would equate to 20,440,000 sentences spoken in a a lifetime, all of which could be kind or unkind. Now lets calculate this!

You gain $0.10 for every kind word. You lose $0.05 for every unkind word. So if you were a person who only spoke kinda words, you’d make, $2,044,000! Wow, I’d be a millionaire! That’s an $80/day cash flow. Not bad eh?

If you were a person who only said mean things to people, you’d be in debt with -$1,022,000. A million dollars! Most people don’t have this kinda cash, you’d have to pay $40/day to keep up with this kinda lifestyle!

What if you were neutral? So every kind word was immediately followed by an unkind word? You’d make $1,022,000 from the good words. You’d lose $511,000 for the bad words, leaving us with a net of only $511,000!

Lets graph this data, to see how many kinda words per day we would need to break even.

Wow, look at that data! What this means, is that you can figure out how rich you’d be given a percentage of good words:

Net Sum(over 70 years) = 3,066,000 * percentage of good words – $1,022,000

So to break even, you would have to only have kind words 33.3% of the time, with unkind words consisting 66.7% the rest of your speech.

To FINALLY answer the question, I consider being “rich” as being a millionaire, so lets see how many kind words we need to net $1,000,000!

$1,000,000 = 3,066,000x – $1,022,000
$2,022,000 = 3,066,000x
x = 65.9%

So there you have it, your vocabulary must be 65.9% kind words, if you wish to be rich! I guess it does pay to be a nice guy.