The Wisdom of Google

Today at work, I was looking for a cache of an old site, Google gave me some surprising suggestions:

Erin Andrews? I wondered who that was. After hours of long and hard, intensive research, I found out. After I rested, I reflected upon this experience, it hit me like a ton of bricks: did Google manage to teach me something? I decided that since I’m no longer in school, there has to be a way for me to learn new things, so why not let Google Auto-complete teach me?!  Follow me into a this journey of discovery and see what new trinkets of wisdom we can uncover from Google!

155,600,000 results say people is good for me, so its settled: pizza is awesome!

Oh no! Apple is an evil evil company, in fact, they are the devil! No wonder they are the new Microsoft!

Lets see what Google has to say about girlfriends.

Girlfriends are annoying? Overrated? Like Bras? This one is just confusing. Maybe Google will tell me something better about boyfriends.

Hrm, I’m beginning to not like this. Boyfriends are not recyclable, nor are they like purses, nor are we mean!

Now I have become more confused. Megan fox is a hot man? So weird. This makes me wonder about what Google thinks about certain races.

Wow, lots of bad things about Chinese people. I wonder if Vietnamese people fare any better.

I see. Lets move onto non-people-related things. Something useful, like finance!

I get some obvious results, like “Finance is not fashion”, which surprisingly got 156,000,000 results. Do that many people confuse finance and fashion? I most admit though, I am curious to see how finance is a conspiracy against the laity.

I wonder what Google has to teach me about Beer.

Wow. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. That is beautiful. Wow, just wow. I’m flabbergasted! I never expected such beautiful truths to come out of you, Google. To many people, you are just a search engine, just an algorithm running on some turing-complete machine, endlessly searching for answers. But to me, Google is a friend, an ally, my mentor. Who else could teach me such beautiful truths? I no longer need a reason to drink. Thank you Google!